Be yourself. No matter what.

Along the trail near my house are a few sculptures and other built installments. One in particular, a personified egg sits legs crossed reading a book. This particular sculpture brings a family relation to mind. 

I cant quite place whether it is because it is from a children’s book we used to read or some other childhood memory. I want to share this with the person but there’s one little problem. They have been cold and not communicating with me for best part of the last three years. Why, I have not a clue but I decided that I for once was not going to be the one who tried to fix it. After all it wasn’t my problem but theirs. Upon jogging on this trail today I knew it was coming, that sculpture that would remind me of my youngest brother, who had estranged himself from me. I realized when I saw it that this was not the only time I held myself back from sending him pictures of things that reminded me of them and our childhood or those quirks of our father that only he and I would appreciate. “I am allowing this rift to stop me from being myself.” THIS is what my dear friend Jax was trying to tell me two months ago when all I could hear her say was “be the bigger person.” Of course that’s not what she was saying but through the filter of my hurt that is what I heard. Well today, while jogging, which is usually puts me in communion with my soul and its maker, I realized my misunderstanding. It mattered not how this person felt about me, or what their quarrel was. What mattered was and is “am I being my authentic and best self?” Upon that realization the text was sent! “This always makes me think of you.”

In order to be truly happy, and in love with life, I must not have inconsistency in my character, and that is what I was allowing to happen. Being hurt can be an excuse for all types of behavior. Is that behavior who you truly are, or better yet who you want to be? I know my life is so much sweeter when I express myself honestly. Today I realize that is what my sweet friend saw when she urged me to reach out to him two months ago. “I got it Jax!”